Fear
I am not really sure anyone would read the line on the side of my blog. I said "I hope one day we all can live in free of fear". I have some thoughts about this world. I know it's a big topic but who doesn't want to live without fear.HIV started in 1981. It's been 25 years. We haven't found any cure yet. I went to college for public health in 1989. AIDS was the most important topic in my infectious disease class. There were no good drugs at the time. My final report for the class was dicussed how interferone could be next generation of AIDS drug that would help people. I remembered I read lots of medical journals for the topic because I really want to find out what is in the progress. What will it help people in the world conquer the disease? I also rememberd my professor said one thing is always in my mind. She said we have to repect virus. They are so smart to know to survive. If we couldn't find the resolution to destroy them as soon as possible, virus would live with us forever. That would be the nightmare. Now, the AIDS patients would be like DM patients.
This year is 2006. AIDS is still prevalent in this world. We still couldn't find the cure but because of the progress of the medicine. Now, people live longer ever. I have friends who live longer than 10 years. They just look like you and I if they don't tell they are HIV+. AIDS is not a mortal disease anymore.
Compared to cancer, the life of HIV patients can live is way longer. Why do we still have huge fear to be infected? It's the stigma and it's preventable. It's sexually transmitted. Everything comes to sex that would have some stereotypes. So we all have fear that people think we might be sexholic. It's stigmata. It's the guilt who grow inside of us. We are all afriad how we will be perceived. It sounds sad but it's true.
Why do I generate so many thoughts? I haven't read advanced AIDS medical journals since I left my college. I got the test two weeks ago. Before the result came out, I started thinking about all different scenarios in my life. What if this or that. I felt like I am still the same person and I am still conservative as hell. What changed is how people see me although my friends were all very supportive. They said whatever happened they all love me as the same who I was. Joyce even said she would take care of me to aging. I am grateful. Anyway, the result came back fine. I was relieved. Then, I started examining my life path. What I have done in my life! Why did I do those things? What makes me? If I have fear, why I still cross the border to make myself in a shit place.
In my life, I may not be able to escape the fear at all. But, I still want to keep it optmistic. Hope one day we all can live without this fear. Just be us. No judgement.
posted by Ken @ 2:56 PM
2 Comments:
Honey,
this is for you and for all the doubts and fears.......
PINK FLOYD - Wish You Were Here
So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.
Thank you Vik.
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